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April 4, 2012 / Sarah

I’m alive

Hello! I know I have promised a S.E.R.E recap, that will be posted later this week as it’s getting long (don’t worry lots of pictures!!!!). It’s in the works. Right now however I wanted to share something with you all in hopes to get a discussion sparked

Sometimes it is hard – AKA Whole9’s approach to explaining their program in a ‘language’ for people dealing with eating disorders.

My take- at first I was slightly appalled at the fact they felt it was necessary to change up the typical tough love approach of their program to something more subtle. After I read the article through a few times, yes a few times, I started to agree with them more and more. In reality, it makes sense.

We (people with ED’s/past experience with them) are an interesting bunch. That’s not a bad thing. We tend to take things to the extreme, especially diet related. When a new diet pops up on our radar we immediately hop on assuming it’s the next best thing. Eating disorder’s aren’t about food, they are about control and reaching that damn lofty expectation of perfection. So obviously if something makes a claim that will help us achieve perfection we typically go all out.

I like how they say “it will be hard.” It’s true. I follow paleo mostly and have for some time now, but I’ve never been able to successfully do the Whole30. Do I feel like a failure? Kind of. Should it be that hard to complete? No. Why is it? Because I obsess over it. I want to do it 100%, no slip ups, macros 40/30/30, minimal fruit, high veggie all that shit. Obsessing is never good, it’s too stressful.

Recently I thought about giving it another shot and I then thought to myself ‘why the f am I actually planning to put myself through this again"?’. ‘What will I gain?’ The answers are habit and nothing positive.

I’ve tried primal, paleo, vegan, vegetarian, raw, gluten free, dairy free… pretty much everything except the Atkins diet, although some may argue paleo is quite similar….. Anyways my point is that I’ve been all over the board with diets, fads, the “next best thing”. I want to be the best. It’s a habit, it’s an addiction. An addiction to trying everything possible to be the best. That isn’t healthy.

I only still do paleo because it’s habit. I don’t feel better. I don’t feel worse either but I can tell you it isn’t helping my goals.

Seeing I am so fitness focused I am able to speak directly to the diets because nutrition is such a huge part of performance. Trying all of the above has fallen short every single time. It’s gotten me absolutely no where.

I don’t call myself recovered. It’s weird to admit that in such a straight up way, but it’s the truth. It’s been 7, almost 8 years since I really developed my eating disorder and although my methods have changed the reasons deeply placed behind them are the same as day 1. So please do me a favor, next time you go to try the next best thing, ask yourself WHY.

I know this is mostly diet related but please take the bigger picture of this post into other parts of you life. Think about WHY you do what you do. Do you actually enjoy it?tumblr_lz5h64kG981rp7l01o1_500



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  1. Amy Lauren / Apr 4 2012 2:16 am

    I’m glad they wrote that blog to clear things up, and I think you’re spot on. Someone saying things like “oh, just eat”, and “It’s not that hard, just drink a milkshake, eat a hamburger” etc, is really discounting the fact that an eating disorder is a serious illness. It’s a brain disorder- after all hunger cues, wanting a sense of control, whatever reason you have it, it’s in your brain as well as your brain’s chemistry. I do think the idea of eating to fuel a workout, rather than working out to eat, is a good way to look at things, but even that is a disordered idea to not eat something just as a treat.

    The best diet for a person? Whatever helps them feel good and achieve their goals- whether that’s vegetarian, vegan, paleo, etc.

  2. Alexandra / Apr 4 2012 9:44 am

    Amazing is the only word I can think of to describe this post. I am so glad you wrote about this “swept under the rug” topic! I know I’m the same way as you for sure thanks to my ED past. I’ve been trying more and more to eat intuitively and not follow any diet plan. Like you said, I think it’s about finding a diet that fits us individually and makes us feel food and happy 🙂 The “Sarah diet” is out there and when you discover it, I cannot wait to see you reach your full potential!! 😀

  3. allieksmith / Apr 4 2012 6:34 pm

    This post really, really hit me. Especially at the end. I think I don’t ask myself WHY enough. Thank you for this 🙂

  4. lifttorun / Apr 7 2012 6:45 pm

    I couldn’t agree anymore.

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