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September 30, 2011 / Sarah

Update part 2: Recovery (for good?)


First of all I wanted to answer a question that Christy asked in the comments of update part 1.

“Did you sign a contract?”

Good question, yes I did. Contracts these days are not like they used to be. When you sign/swear in, it is official but it isn’t official. Totally makes sense so far right? 😉 Basically you are in but you have the option to back out/choose another path before your ship date. Once your arrive at boot camp things are a lot harder to turn around. All I had to do was tell my recruited that I was having major second thoughts and that I didn’t think it would be good for my health. Not on my record, unless I were to try and get back in down the road. End of story. Get it, got it, good?

Yeah bad for my health, let’s get to that after all this post is about recovery. So I relapsed. I’m not going to lie to you guys and say I have been smooth sailing, because that would definitely be a lie. I took a month (September) off from training, but I wasn’t eating. The real reason I took it off was because I knew that if my body wasn’t receiving the nutrition it needed and I was training that would create an even bigger problem, so I just didn’t train.

What was going through my head pre-relapse, I’m not fully sure. I know I was tired of training because I felt obligated to with the death race coming. I felt like if I even took a day off I wouldn’t be ready. I was in the gym 2-3x 6 days a week, hello over-doing it. Oh and eating under 2000 calories, perfect combo? No? It’s such a mental game.

I’m not going to say what weight I dropped back down to but I will say it wasn’t healthy. I’m working on getting it back up and am back to training (every other day) for now. I’m keeping a close on on myself but I feel good to be back.

Recovery for good? This may seem like an odd realization but it’s honestly what made me come to conclusion I can’t keep hurting myself, and so far I’m more motivated that ever so I’m going with it…. here’s the story (compacted for your sanity) :

I was asked by someone who I had just met what my interests were, trying to not sound like a total crazy person I explain to her my training and the goal of finishing the 2012 death race. I explained how I train for passion, accomplishment, challenge and proof that I am alive. I love to train, it is fun for me. Saying that was what it took. It made me realize that by falling back into my eating disorder behaviors all I was doing was taking away what I truly love. What positive things could come out of me falling even further that I had already allowed myself? NOTHING.

I’ve never stood up for myself before, this time I made the decision on my own. Every other time the words “I want to get better” came out of my mouth it wasn’t for me. It was for my parents, my friends, my trainer, my therapist, my doctor, but never me. This time I’m doing this for one person and one person only, Sarah.


Where’s Waldo Sarah? Just decline benching, nbd.

I’m back in the gym, taking it easy for the next few weeks before I start cranking things up. I’m eating a steady diet, with solid amounts of protein/carb/fat. I’m seeing my therapist. I tried a nutritionist out, not for me. I tried group out, not for me. I’m meeting with my doctor to give an FYI.

It feels right and I’m so happy and motivated. Oh, and I’m gonna kill in June at the death race because for the first time in my life, I trust myself.


Questions? Comments? Hit me up.



Leave a Comment
  1. Carrie (Moves 'N Munchies) / Sep 30 2011 8:53 pm

    really happy you shared this with us! it takes guts! we are fully here to support you! 🙂

    • Alexandra / Sep 30 2011 11:49 pm

      I agree! You just showed the ultimate strength 🙂 I’ll keep you in my thoughts girl!

      • Sarah / Oct 2 2011 10:07 pm

        Thanks girl 🙂

    • Sarah / Oct 2 2011 10:07 pm

      Of course! Thank you my dear 🙂

  2. kbwood / Oct 1 2011 3:39 am

    sooo proud of you girl!!! this is the beginning to a new, beautiful journey!! YOU CAN DO IT

    • Sarah / Oct 2 2011 10:08 pm

      It totally is and it feels so good to finally be working past this all, to finally be ready to work on ME and MY HEALTH. Thanks for your support!

  3. Kelsey @ Snacking Squirrel / Oct 2 2011 3:24 am


    • Sarah / Oct 2 2011 10:08 pm

      Aww thank you 🙂

  4. Tessa @ Amazing Asset / Oct 2 2011 10:17 pm

    SO happy for you Sarah! This is certainly a new beginning 🙂

    • Sarah / Oct 12 2011 1:08 am

      Thank you 🙂 It most definitly is!

  5. lindsay / Oct 3 2011 2:12 am

    you are so strong for admitting this. And thank you for sharing! we are here to support each other through these times. Onward and upward, right sarah?!

    • Sarah / Oct 12 2011 1:09 am

      I feel like with having this blog and my readers (thank you guys!) that if I can’t be honest there would be no point! That is one thing I can guarantee this blog will always be, 100% honest.

      Onward and upward, you bet 🙂

  6. keepnthefaith / Oct 3 2011 1:23 pm

    So happy you realized you were over doing it and decided to take a step back. That is HUGE. Sometimes I catch myself doing the same thing. We just really need to be aware and really monitor ourselves!!

    • Sarah / Oct 12 2011 1:11 am

      It’s such an easy thing to slip into. I am always trying to impress/make other happy that I don’t even listen to what I have to say! Progress will be made on that one!

  7. lifttorun / Oct 7 2011 4:15 am

    I leave in November for bootcamp. I want to tell my recruiter that I want to wait until after December, but I really don’t know if I have that option.

    But you are incredible. You realized what was going on and did something about it.
    How did the whole nutritionist thing go?

    • Sarah / Oct 12 2011 1:12 am

      Ah so soon 🙂 You should tell him that, at least just to see if it is an option after all it is your life!

      Thank you! The nutritionist was interesting, full post on nutrition soon.

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